My acne journey thus far, intrepid adventures in skincare, and using isolation as time to try out The Ordinary

When I first started medical school, I was hoping that at the end of it I would have a few answers to my questions:

1. Why was it that for several years in high school, I would become nauseated and have belly pains so bad I dreaded to go to class - every weekday, like clockwork, from 7 AM to 9 AM?

2. Why did I have acne, and what can I do to get rid of it?

The answer to the first question is probably that depression and anxiety can manifest as physical symptoms, particularly in young people. As for the second, I don't really know, but my skin has slowly, slowly improved.

Over the years, only three things have actually made a discernible difference in my skin: hormonal birth control, topical retinoids, and salicylic acid. I thought that coming off birth control would cause a rebound in my acne and asked my PCP to prescribe me spironolactone (I got an IUD, which does not provide the systemic androgen suppression that my combined estrogen and progesterone birth control did). Being the intrepid medical student that I was, I decided to see what my skin would do without hormonal birth control and without spironolactone, and to my surprise...it looked fine.

I've used a topical retinoid (Differin, available OTC) since college, and it's really the only thing that reliably keeps closed comedones away. Because of the prophylactic anti-aging benefits, I see no reason to stop using a topical retinoid, and my next adventure will be to see if I can get tretinoin prescribed for a lower cost than Differin (this could be a gamble, and I'm not sure if this will pan out.

All of this is to say my acne is actually, for the first time in my post-pubescent life, mostly gone. This great source of teen and young adult angst and self-confidence issues is...gone. By my standards, at least, since I know some people in my life with truly flawless skin. For some people, my skin with all its post-inflammatory hyperpigmentation, is the worst it could ever look for them. For me, it's the best it's looked in over a decade.

So why am I trying new skincare? Simply put, my goals are changing. I've locked into a routine that reliably keeps my acne at bay, but now I have PIH to tackle, and skin tone to even out. I want to prevent aging - and I would like to add I am a religious SPF user for years.

Before isolation, I bought a few items from The Ordinary, and also received some from a friend who was going to start Curology. With this unexpected windfall, I saw the opportunity to try a bunch of products, fuck up my skin, go back on my progress, and experiment. When the pandemic hit and it became clear I was going to spend my days at home, I decided to try these out.

So this is what I ended up doing:

AM: Niacinamide + Zinc, moisturizer, SPF
PM: cycling between Differin, Vitamin C, and Mandelic Acid; moisturizer

Preliminary thoughts are that I'm tolerating Niacinamide + Zinc after an initial breakout that resolved. The Argireline actually works, but now that the lines I was concerned about are gone, I stopped using it and am saving it for later. Jury is still out on the Vitamin C and the AHA, but again, because I started all of these around the same time, it's hard to say what did what, other than my skin does actually seem better. That's what before and after pics are for, after all.

Once I'm done with the Mandelic Acid, I'll start using my Lactic Acid in its place. I'll try out that AHA+BHA mask eventually. I'll do it slowly, and try to be meticulous about tracking how my skin reacts. It seems pretty contrary that I'm going from a relatively simple skincare routine to one that is more complex, with new products, but I'm doing so to address the reality that my skin has changed. The old problems have resolved, and now I can address the other things.

Makeup inventory

Every year or so, I am overcome with the need to gather up all my makeup, arrange it just so, take a picture, and write a blog post about it. Maybe a bit more frequently, I write out all that I own from memory, to see if I can do it. If I can't, it's a reminder that I have too much. I think maybe the stars aligned and I've been thinking more about makeup and beauty and expectations for female beauty and groomed-ness and put-togetherness that I write this post today.

First, the inventory itself, and then the rambling:

• Maybelline Fit Me matte and poreless liquid foundation - 220 Natural Beige (2018)
• Sephora powder foundation - Golden Fawn (2016)
• Wet 'n' Wild blush x2 - Pearlescent Pink and Mellow Wine (2010)
• Estee Lauder kohl pencil - black (2010)
• Wet 'n' Wild eyeliner pencil - brown (2010)
• Wet 'n' Wild eyeshadow palette - Comfort Zone (2014)
• Urban Decay eyeshadow palette - Naked2 (2013)
• Burt's Bees matte lip crayon - Redwood Forest (2019)
• Revlon lip butter - Pink Truffle (2016)
• Bite amuse bouche lipstick - Chai (2015?)
• MUFE lipstick - N9 (2014?)
• Maybelline mascara - Snapscara (2019)

Note: I picked my favorite pans from the two eyeshadow palettes and put them in this little metal business card holder. It works for me. The matte black from the Naked2 palette fills in my brows.

This is probably the smallest my makeup collection has been since high school, and it's through a concerted effort of not buying new things, being honest with myself and tossing products that are old/not suited to me/etc. I think a longer post about my relationship with makeup and beauty and self-image are due at another time, and this is something of an easy appetizer to write. Over the years, I have progressively owned less makeup, consumed less beauty content, and worn makeup more often (but less of it). Though I always wore what I consider "minimal" makeup - as in, foundation only for special occasions and residency application photoshoot - these days, it's black eyeshadow brushed through brows with a very light hand, and a single coat of mascara. A little lipstick blotted on if there's time. Eyeshadow and blush for social outings. Priorities are to have a low maintenance routine that wears well - and wears off well - over the day, a slow, pretty fade instead of a ruined mess. Can't stand that, and I find foundation and liquid eyeliner suffer from that.

There is room to whittle down. High coverage foundation, be it liquid or powder, has almost no role in my life. Personally, any kind of base makeup makes me slip into uncanny valley, or at least distance my done up face from the one I am familiar with. There's redundancy in brow products. I've never gotten the hang of eyeliner pencil so that will probably go at some point. And most of the lipsticks look the same. I have no desire to try or buy new makeup, and will just replace what I own organically, as they run out or no longer serve a purpose.

With that, a vision of the future:

• sheer liquid foundation
• sheer face powder
• blush, 2 of them
• brow product, just 1
• mascara - I'm happy with the one I use now, and I'll be better about replacing as it expires
• small eyeshadow palette, likely constructed from single pans - the amount I have now is fine
• lipstick - 1 sheer red, 1 my lips but better (MLBB), 1 more for variety

High quality, reliable products. With that list above, and the inventory I have now, I have all my bases covered, and happy with what I won't own. Hopefully minimal and timeless, as empty as those descriptors are. But that's what I want, and I think that's what I have here.

Nest Citrine and Verde | Fragrance Review

I will take a moment of awestruck silence to appreciate the impeccable, the exquisite perfection of the Nest fragrance packaging. This is the marriage of the dark, pensive, and utterly enchanting floral/botanical paper mosaics of 18th century British artist Mary Delany and the sophisticated, sleek design  and aesthetic inclinations of Nest. Look at this beauty. Revel in it. Dream of it.

As that raving may suggest, I was very taken with the packaging, and so convinced that the potions within would convey the dark beauty of the imagery without. I was very afraid that I would love the fragrance and the bottle so much as to buy a full size. Instead, I got free samples, and I will review them below.

Citrine - eau de parfum

"The dewy softness of lotus flower and freesia are set against sparkling citrus notes and hints of precious woods.

Notes: Lemon Blossom, Lotus Flower, Freesia, Dew Drop Accord, Precious Woods. 

Style: Bright. Refreshing. Sparkling." - Nest

What is that plant (suspiciously similar to French broom, and certainly not a note) doing on this packaging, other than to look pretty? This scent is lovely, sunny, and effervescent. It's fresh and it's lively, but certainly not a complex fragrance. Perhaps my skin gobbles up light florals with citrus notes, but Citrine is, unfortunately, a simple little scent, something that would be wonderful as a candle or a diffuser in a sun-drenched room. Sillage and longevity are minimal.

Verde - eau de parfum

"Exceptionally fresh and green, this woody scent is a true departure from a floral fragrance. Capture the crisp essences of wild fern and Himalayan cedar combined with verbena leaves and vetiver.

Notes: Wild fern, Himalayan Cedar, Verbena Leaves and Vetiver

Style: Fresh" - Nest

The solemn ferns suggest a fougere, and I was hoping for deep, dreamy woods. I like green scents, but found unfortunately that Verde was not to my taste. A traditional fougere ("fern-like") has top notes of lavender and fern, and is grounded by oakmoss and tonka bean, and is supposedly a unisex or masculine fragrance. Without these notes, Verde was all simple greenery, and reminded me much more of men's deodorant than a mysterious forest. However, unlike screaming green ultra sweat control deodorant, Verde was gone in a snap, with neither sillage nor longevity. The verbena yielded to the ferns on the dry-down, and fortunately, I could detect no vetiver. I wanted to love Citrine and Verde, but it was not meant to be!