Gradual exit

A dramatization of my apartment, courtesy of Animal Planet

I'm approaching my final semester in college, and my final semester in the wretched little treehouse that I have called home for the past three years.

It's been a hard year for me, but something that unexpectedly troubled me was how unhappy and uncomfortable I was in my apartment. It's always been cluttered, it's always been small, but only now did I realize how much dirtier and disorganized it's become this past semester. The general deterioration of the apartment, along with the increased quantity of accumulated stuff has become oppressive and depressive. I use such strong language because the realization of this truth was so startling. Indeed, dissatisfaction with the space I live in seriously affected my general outlook and wellbeing.

It seems so obvious now that I wish I'd been less complacent about it before.

Given that I only have a few months left there, I think it's high time I jumped whole-heartedly on the decluttering bandwagon, but with the distinct goal of preparing to move out. Also, I realize how uncertain my future is, but know for a fact that I'll be moving back in with my parents immediately after graduation, regardless of what my plans eventually become. As cluttered and cramped as I feel my space in my apartment is, my space at home is practically empty. I don't own many things, and the things I do own went with me to college, and now sit in my small apartment. Over the years, certainly I've accumulated belongings, some of them more used than others, and many of them used not at all and simply wasting space.

My goal is to sort through my space/things in my apartment and make the move-out process slow and steady. I plan on visiting home once a month (I'm local), and relocating some of my belongings. In this process, I will toss/recycle/donate as much as I can, and reorganize what will remain in my apartment so I can utilize the space more effectively. A general goal that I have is for each item in my possession to have its specific, designated location. I suffer from some laziness that makes me leave things lying about haphazardly: now is the time to combat it.

I haven't read Marie Kondo's manifesto, but I feel like I have a good idea what it says. If I deep clean area by area, then perhaps my feelings of being trapped by stuff will  gradually go away. Here's to a more organized and content 2016.

Wish I could find a book to live in

That's some wishful thinking, but for the past few weeks, I've been trying to do just that. Amidst my disappointing MD application cycle and obstacles in my personal and academic life, I've felt helpless and lost. I've more or less accepted that I'll be reapplying to med school either next year or the year after, which is a huge blow to my self-esteem and my general perspective. I won't belabor the point, but it's easy for me to say with great confidence that I've been on a steady decline in emotional health since July of this year.

No wonder, then, that I blew through the entire Inheritance Cycle during Thanksgiving break (I should have prepared more for the interview that occurred right after, but at the time, I thought I'd done enough), then began reading the Temeraire series by Naomi Novik during finals week. I have always favored fantasy novels, but only recently have I really acknowledged them as escapism. Dense worldbuilding, and plot-driven (not to say that the characters aren't wonderfully engaging and developed) fantasy novels are the dazzling distractions against my melancholy, and bleak future.

I've been talking my sister's ear off about this series since winter break started, and though I'm only partway through the fifth book Victory of Eagles, I have half a mind to just start over from the beginning of the series for a second round. Though some plot points can seem contrived or silly, the general effect is a good one. How can I put it? Temeraire was made to be adapted into screen. Some of the supporting cast is bland and flat, but the dialogue is always engaging and drives the plot along.

Anyhow, the tl;dr version is that dragon-based fantasy novels are distracting me from the responsibilities and misery of my depressing future as a med school reapplicant.

--

Another thing, then. The title of this post draws from "Look what they've done to my song, Ma" by Melanie Safka, covered by Miley Cyrus and Melanie, which has become surprisingly (and painfully) relevant throughout this semester.

Indeed, I've felt as if my brain has been picked apart, then put back in all the wrong way just in time for me to bumble through my interviews. More importantly, I've become increasingly reliant upon/emotionally supported by my family, especially my Mom throughout this year.

Boston, Part II

First order of business: I'm going back on my promise about writing SOM interview reports. I've learned that I really, really dwell on them and it does me no good to agonize over my performance. Less work and less misery for me. Instead, I'll just be posting pretty (hopefully) pictures of my travels.

After my interview at Boston University, I took an Uber back to the BU undergrad campus with some other interviewees and took a quick break at my friend's apartment. After I charged up my phone and changed out of my suit, I packed up my stuff and took the T to Boston Common. As a note, I didn't know where to pay fare (selective ignorance, maybe) and ended up with a free ride. Apologies to the City of Boston.

Anyhow, the T spat me out in what looked like the theatre district. I walked around Boston Common, thinking about how in ye olde days I may have taken my livestock there or watched someone hang for a crime. I thought about seeing some more historical sites, but I had a flight to catch. This was a cool dome, though.

Then to the public garden. My hope was to walk through Boston Common and the garden, then down Newbury Street and then to the Heynes Convention Center to catch the shuttle to the airport. Unfortunately, I was walking west and the sun made pictures a bit tough. The bright patches of grass were blinding to look at, maybe helped by my familiarity with Californian drought conditions.

Another view of the garden.

I think I was trying to get a picture of the willow, since it's not often that I see them.

Ducks. We get more Canadian geese in CA.

A cool bridge. It would be nice to go boating here in the spring and summer.

General Washington!

My walk down Newbury St was punctuated by gawking at architecture. I forgot what church this is, but it was certainly a marvel.

I have no idea what this building is.

A Chinese tourist saw my suitcase and asked me if I were a tourist as well. He was taking pictures of buildings and asked if I could take one of him standing in front of some famous church. I think this church was the one he was looking for, and we parted ways after I told him I was on my way to the airport.

Upon my buddy's suggestion, I went to Emack & Bolio's for ice cream. This one was salted caramel and chocolate-covered pretzels, which was pretty delicious. I'm no foodie, but it seemed like a good treat at the end of the interview day.

Some final thoughts: I could see myself living in Boston for four years and more. That said, I saw Back Bay, MIT, and Boston Common on my trip, and a bit of South End and the BUSM and BMC area. Perhaps that isn't representative of Boston, but I enjoyed my trip. Since I didn't get to see any historical sites or museums, I know I must return, if only for vacation one day. If anything, I would go back just to walk all day through Back Bay, around the Freedom Trail, etc.

I hear back from BUSM in early January, so here's hoping.

UPDATE: accepted to BUSM with Dean's Scholarship! I'm going to be a doctor!

Blue Velvet | Aspirational Outfit

Before I begin, I present: mood music

In spite of the fact that I have not attended any formal, dressy event since prom nearly four years ago, I still mess around with the idea that maybe I will need to be elegant for an evening. The spirit of this post about an aspirational outfit is that I would have in my closet ready for whatever dressy/formal event I am invited to.

Imagine: self in above outfit at a nighttime event. I look good in dark blue, the fabric drapes well, and the neckline looks flattering. I could pretend to be the night sky with some sparkles in my hair. Evening purses always seem a little too fussy or gaudy to me, so this sleek, minimalist tuxedo of a handbag hits the mark for me. Maybe the matching shoes are a bit much, and not versatile enough, but they seemed a perfect pair, and I think I'd be able to dance (or sprint) in them.

Summary: a simple, relatively unadorned outfit that suits my requirements for comfort and versatility. It's all from Zara, from which I own zero articles of clothing, so I can't attest to quality for price.

Big C hike and brunch at Wat Mongkolratanaram

I caught up with a friend today. JZ, a first year graduate student at UCSD, visited Berkeley this past weekend for a conference, and wanted to get food with me like old times. In anticipation for the meal at the local gem Wat Mongkolratanaram, we hiked up the hills behind campus to the Big C.

In spring semester freshman and fall semester sophomore year, we had classes that preceded a meal together (breakfast and lunch, respectively) and got into the habit of shooting the breeze and whinging about school, the future, and impostor syndrome.

All of this, of course, said with the backdrop of the Berkeley hills, which look their best in a chilly morning mist or at dusk. Looking eastwards, you can nearly see to the UC Botanical Garden, a favorite place of mine. All of this land technically does belong to the university, but is Lawrence Berkeley National Lab property, I believe. Even so, I call it campus.

A clearing in the trees. There are two ways up the hill to the Big C and this one is the less 'strenuous' one. You can carry a conversation on this route, no problem.

The turkeys were out and about this morning and I caught them in a nice formation. Nowadays, I don't see a whole lot of turkeys on campus, but they often go downhill during the summer. Many of these guys have a tassel on their chests -- perhaps they are tagged for some kind of research?

Turkeys yet again. Hike the Big C and you're almost guaranteed to see them.

We made it to the Big C! A fairly good view of the UC Berkeley campus, with Sather Tower, the Campanile, close to the center. On a clear day, you can see the Dumbarton, the San Mateo, the Bay, and Golden Gate Bridges in one sweep. Not so today, but still some blue skies ahead.

The morning grey was dispersing by the time we headed downhill. The same flock of turkeys resumes its foraging. After making it downhill, JZ and I walked to the BART station and took the train one stop south to Ashby station. The temple is a quick (~5 minute) walk from the station in a residential neighborhood by a park and a library.

Yelp will describe Thai Temple (what I've mostly heard it called) better than I can. It is a Buddhist temple and a Thai cultural center that opens its backyard to hungry locals on Sundays for probably the best cookout I've had in a long time. Pay real American dollars for donation tokens (which can be traded back for $, and $1 = 1 token), which can be used to purchase food. My two-curry and rice plate cost 7 tokens, and it was substantial enough for two meals. I brought a plastic container anticipating leftovers.

The curries that I had: a chicken yellow curry and beef red curry, the latter of which I will probably dream about until I return to Thai Temple. JZ and I ate voraciously and stared at the food that everyone else (communal seating, of course) and I've decided that I will need to try whatever the beef noodle soup is when I return. Other dishes: mango rice, rolls, papaya salad, pad thai, etc. I think the best way to go about eating here is to go with a few friends, each buy a different meal, and share.

Even so, I'm still going to eat the basic UCB student pad thai from Thai Basil. Nothing's changing. Afterwards, we walked through a flea market and decided that the whole experience was very uniquely Berkeley, CA.

Boston, Part I

I'd never been to Boston. I'm sure I only saw a small subsection of this great city, but I was enchanted by the parts through which I walked. I spent two days in the city, around eight hours of which were spent on an interview, and did not get to see nearly enough of it.

I took a shuttle from Logan International Airport to the Hynes Convention Center in Back Bay. Observations: the trees are different, the buildings are old, and there sure are a lot of bricks. My plan of the day was to get some coffee, get some food, and sit around by the Charles River before walking to MIT to meet a friend, JC. This route took me through Back Bay, which was a serious wonderland of the most picture perfect Victorian brownstones.

Back Bay did not seem real. Of course, probably not representative of all of Boston, but still, it was a wonder to walk through. I was dragging my suitcase (very small, very light) over old road and brick while tired and dehydrated to the point of headache, but I felt pretty motivated by all the beautiful architecture around me.

Back Bay, and all the rest of Boston that I saw, was extremely walkable. If I'd walked that same distance (Hynes Convention Center to MIT: 1.2 miles, according to Google Maps) in Berkeley in my condition, I would be in for a bad time. Boston is flat, Berkeley is not. Anyways...

Crossed the Charles River by way of the Harvard Bridge. Smoot markings were pretty funny to look at. It was damn windy here, but still a great view.

Made it to MIT in one piece, took a nap in the lobby of the Marriott while waiting for JC, who took me on a campus tour. Interesting fact: MIT's buildings are connected to one another! Perfect for avoiding the winter. The computer science building was very quirky and busy, and my favorite since that was where JC bought me a Naked juice, which revived me from my exhaustion. I had wanted to see the shipbuilding exhibit and it was cute, but underwhelming. Original plans were to visit the MIT museum and Harvard, but there was no way I was walking that far.

A gingerbread castle at MIT. JC informed me that it was a dorm.

After touring MIT, I walked back across the Harvard Bridge and west through more of Back Bay to get to Boston University to meet another friend, RN. On my way, I passed by the famous Fenway Park. I took a break to eat some of the baguette and salami I bought in the morning from Trader Joe's.

I sat around at RN's apartment, and she took me around BU campus, which is a narrow strip between 1-2 miles long. We walked the length of it, took the shuttle back to her apartment, where we talked and I ate more of my provisions and napped. It was good to catch up with old friends in a new (for me) city, and though my plans for being touristy and rambling all over Boston were trumped by my lack of energy, I had a wonderful day.

After my nap and dinner (provisions yet again), we went to Whole Foods for her dinner and to find a gift for my med student overnight host (some potted flowers). I took the BU shuttle down to the medical campus, and that was a day.

A/W 2015 | Wardrobe Planning

I'm back on musing about clothing again, but the truth is that after the heavy clothing purchases for med school interviews, rampant decluttering of my apartment, and unseasonably warm weather, I have no motivation to seriously add anything to my wardrobe. This post is probably just a placeholder for items that I would ideally possess at some point in the next couple of years.

The caveat is that I did not include any items of cold weather clothing that I may need when I interview in Cleveland (!!!) in a few weeks, or on the East Coast later on (here's hoping). I have no idea what I'll need, but I'll meet that obstacle if I get there.

I'm still very much enamored with the 'Dark Americana' aesthetic from r/malefashionadvice, despite being a year or two late. Is it silly to have brand loyalty to brands I've never owned before? Is it just the Made in America patriotism? It's pretty indulgent.

1. Levi's Commuter Trucker Jacket, black heather - $158 - I was pining after the Uniqlo Ines de la Fressange military blouson, which was around $70 before it went out of stock. Because of the price, I'm probably not going to buy this jacket at all, especially since I've never tried it on. I like my clothes utilitarian, understated, and dark, and this particular jacket is in the good old-fashioned, tried and true Levi's trucker cut. Also, rugged individualism or something like that.

2. Timex Easy Reader and the Waterbury - $40 and $80, respectively - I don't own a watch. My two previous ones were cheapos from China that fell apart pathetically. Aesthetically speaking, the Easy Reader (left) is more subdued, feminine, professional, and affordable. However, the Waterbury has something about it that seems more consistent with my personality. Again, I probably won't buy either of these this season, but planning ahead for next year.

3. Frye Diana Stitch Boot, black nubuck - $160 - saving the best for last. I've been thinking about these boots since July when my current pair of black boots ($20 from H&M) well and truly approached death's door. However, I liked the look of a simple black boot with a low heel and slim profile. Boots are my weakness. Frye is supposedly still very high quality for price when it comes to women's shoes, so I'll place my trust in them there. These ones I will buy for myself, but I'm waiting for a discount (unlikely).