A one-bag minimalist sprint for interview season

First of all, the itinerary:

• 1/9 AM - travel to NYC from by bus
• 1/9 PM - interview social for Hospital #1
• 1/10 PM - interview at Hospital #1
• 1/10 PM - travel to Boston by bus, sleep at home
• 1/11 AM - interview at Hospital #2
• 1/11 PM - interview social for Hospital #2, sleep at home
• 1/12 AM - travel to California by plane
• 1/12 PM - interview social for Hospital #3
• 1/13 AM - interview at Hospital #3
• 1/13 PM - travel to parents' house by car, sleep at home
• 1/14-15 - sleep at home
• 1/16 PM - travel to LA by plane
• 1/17 - Hospital #4 interview and interview social
• 1/18 AM - travel to NYC by plane
• 1/18 PM - interview social at Hospital #5
• 1/19 PM - interview at Hospital #5
• 1/20 AM - travel to ABQ by plane
• 1/21 PM - interview social for Hospital #6
• 1/22 AM - interview at Hospital #6
• 1/23 - sleep all day in ABQ
• 1/24 AM - travel to PHX by plane
• 1/24 PM - interview social for Hospital #7
• 1/25 AM - interview at Hospital #7
• 1/25 PM - red eye flight back to Boston

And now, what I packed:

• Suit
• Blouse
• Grey dress
• Black wool shirt
• Grey Uniqlo heat-tech shirt
• Grey t-shirt
• Black gym shorts
• Black tights
• Nude tights
• Heels
• Black ankle boots
• Navy blue Uniqlo ultra-light puffy jacket
• Watch
• Black Fossil handbag

...and necessaries like underwear, computer, Kindle, chargers, toiletries, chocolate. Surprisingly everything fit comfortably and the bag was always accepted for United Basic Economy, whose luggage restrictions are one single item that can fit under the seat in front. I am very proud of being able to make the trip with such lean, lightweight luggage. In fact, I think such a trip would have been bearable only with such little burden.

Why did I do this to begin with? Mostly to save money and save the hassle of keeping track of all my stuff, at the cost of having a perpetually wrinkled suit. Some of it was a challenge in seeing if I could do it, kind of prideful, I admit. The bottom line: I did it, and it was convenient. And now it's done. This two weeks of travel coincided with a nasty upper (eventually lower) respiratory infection for the same duration, complicated by sore throat and very diminished voice in the beginning.

And now it's done, and I get to rest and agonize over my future.

I wrote this post in February and it stewed in my drafts for all this time. I matched into orthopedic surgery! I'm going to be an orthopedic surgeon! I'll find out where on Friday, but for now, I'm just happy happy happy that I've fulfilled a dream of almost eight years. More coming soon!

Commonplace book

The concept of the commonplace book, a receptacle for information and thoughts, came to me from A Series of Unfortunate Events in elementary school. So started my habit of carrying a pocket-sized notebook to scribble in. We received a yearly planner from school from 6th to 12th grade, so I used those. And then in college and medical school, it was back to notebooks.

And that has continued. They have always been cheap dollar store notebooks or gifts. Days were always drawn out in wobbly colored pencil. Despite my best efforts to appear organized and orderly, the contents of my commonplace book - and, of course, it is also a planner - reveal me to be a disorganized, chaotic wretch. The basic format has not changed:

• standard weekly planner format, always Monday to Sunday, six boxes with the weekend sharing the last. Deadlines and events and flights always immediately populated because I can't trust myself to not forget about them
• blank pages for whatever else: lists, brainstorming, drafts for presentations, information, questions, pearls collected from the wards, steps to induce and emerge from general anesthesia, how to close a fasciotomy, wardrobe planning for autumn/winter 2019, etc
• in earlier iterations of the CPB, there was one of each section, but I found it more convenient to have a few months of planner, a section of free pages to be used while that planner section is active, and then the next planner section, then the next free pages, etc

A sample of pages from past books loosely in chronological order: exams, deadlines, lists upon lists, course material, sketches, information, information, information, etc, etc, etc. When I went home last, I flipped through the old CPBs and took these photos, and tossed the books themselves into the recycling.

I don't know if this has increased my productivity or my focus because I have never been without it. I don't have any interest in buying a pre-made planner or improving the aesthetics or adopting any other system of organizing information at this time. Inevitably I will make a Google calendar for flights and interviews for residency applications, and will likely be subject to a shared calendar for residency, but for my personal use, I am happy as is. As much I admire the bullet journal movement, it is not for me. I am a person of habit. I am a person of habit.

Lessons in minimalism: month in Rhode Island, out of a suitcase

My room, my suitcase, my sleeping bag. Missing in this photo is the other identical chest of drawers and the other identical broken landline

I spent the second month of my Internal Medicine rotation at a community hospital in Providence, Rhode Island, about an hour away from Boston by train. I took this as an opportunity for a minimalism challenge, and as a trial run for the three months I'll spend this year on away rotations for orthopedic surgery. Here was my attempt at packing light, with the safety net of easy trips back to Boston for things I forgot to bring in the first place, and things I didn't need to bring and took back to my apartment. Despite learning very little in this hospital (in fact, the medicine practiced there is comically bad), I did learn a bit about minimalism (in this very specific context). Namely, I can get by with not a lot, I have room to trim away, and I can sleep in a sleeping bag very comfortably for a month. Read on...

Clothes for a month

In brief, here is what I brought:

5 blouses for wards, 1 of which I never wore
3 t-shirts for exercise and for lounging
1 flannel

3 pairs of trousers for wards
2 pairs of shorts for exercise and lounging
1 dress for the wards, which I never wore
1 pair of jeans

Black boots, boat shoes, and running shoes

Not pictured are my raincoat, undergarments, socks, etc. Essentially, I got by fine this month with this limited wardrobe, but we had laundry in the house provided. Looking back, I could have done with less for the wards, and probably more for exercise since I found myself hand washing after every run. For my orthopedic surgery away rotations, I can shrink this down to one outfit for clinic, a suit, a set of scrubs just in case there is a delay in getting hospital-provided ones, and obviously at least another set of workout clothes, as this is, after all, orthopedic surgery.

As lean as I thought I was packing, there were some leftover items - my green silk blouse and grey dress - that I thought were just too formal for the wards. That's something I've found for myself, that the order of formality of dress code that I've seen is: surgical clinic (business formal) > medical clinic (business casual) > medical wards (business casual) > surgical wards/OR (scrubs). At least that's how I perceive it.

Left: the shoes | Right: perhaps the first and last time I show a stethoscope on this blog

As for shoes, I think darker soled boat shoes would work in almost any medical situation in New England (I say that with some humor, but actually I've gotten away with even these beaters). The black boots will come back in the winter, and my black pumps will come with me for away rotations. The stethoscope will become trauma shears and I'll bring a smaller bath towel next time.

While I was unsurprised that I could tolerate and enjoy sleeping on a bare mattress in my sleeping bag for a month, I was surprised that I so quickly reverted to convenience foods, fats and refined sugars, disposables and take out so easily. I gained weight and was eco-unfriendly, ate more meat than I'm proud to say, and indulged myself a bit too much. This is obviously not ideal since I normally cook all my meals and prepare them mostly with my health in mind, and I do have months of chaotic schedules and new living situations before I need to wear my interview suit. A suit that I wore at age 20-21 interviewing for medical school.

Despite having my metal tumbler, which I did use for all coffee, tea, and water, I treated myself to many disposable plastic bottles of juice provided in the emergency department (??? not going to question it). These kinds of things are my weakness so though I'll Refuse as much as possible, it's more likely Reduce and Reuse that will justify this behavior

So, less a collection of lessons than incoherent rambling, as per usual. I think I may try to pack everything into a backpack and a piece of checked baggage for my aways, and prioritize maintaining diet and exercise for the next few months and the rest of my life. Minimalism is a proxy for the lifestyle habits and changes that are in line with my values, etc, etc. 

Spring into summer update

View of the green, green Colorado River from the South Kaibab trail

None of these pictures are in order. I think my dad took most of these. But since I'm probably going to take an eternity writing up a post about the Grand Canyon hike itself, here are some pictures.

Hello from third year of medical school. I'm starting on OB/Gyn and like it so far. Still waiting nervously for my Step 1 score and having catastrophic thoughts of not scoring high enough for my dream specialty. Felt all kinds of sadness and guilt and inadequacy when my research attending and some of the ortho residents I worked with last year said hello to me on the day I thought I would get my score back (they're delayed and I have to wait longer). Felt something similar when the resident who mentored me since first year called me volunteering advice for my surgical rotation (and then gave me some advice as a new parent whose wife delivered her baby on the floor I'm working on right now). Keeping an open mind is surprisingly not hard, since OB/Gyn is really cool, but it's also not hard to remember how happy and excited and home I felt in orthopedics.

I'm learning some things about myself. I'm getting better at talking to patients. I like our patient population (safety net hospital, non-white, non-rich, many immigrants, many complications). I have more role models now: two gynecological oncologists whose patients trust and adore them. Gyn-onc doc #1 speaks fluent English and Spanish, and proficient Haitian Creole and Cape Verdean/Portuguese Creole. Gyn-onc doc #2 speaks fluent English, Spanish, and Mandarin. About 1/3 of the patients that go through our hospital don't speak English (most common languages Spanish, Haitian Creole, Cape Verdean, Vietnamese...I would have lost my fucking mind if I had heard Doc #1 speaking Vietnamese). I don't think I'll go into OB/Gyn, but I do think I'll eventually work somewhere where I'll need to speak Spanish on the regular. Eventually I'll find my way.

My Spanish is getting good. I thought it was good until I heard Doc #2 speaking with perfect, perfect grammar. Subjunctive tense, correct yo forms of irregular verbs in all tenses, correct conjugation of mandates and everything. The feedback that I treasured most from last week was when a patient I interviewed asked me where I was born and raised, and if my parents were from Latin America. Like everything in third year, I'll get better at the things I want to improve on if I actively seek out opportunities to try. So on I go.

I'm moving into my new apartment at the end of the month, and I'm doing it slowly over the next few weeks. Always kind of been into ~~~minimalism~~~, but I've accumulated some junk during my first two years in Boston and am downsizing. Namely, I'm giving away some of my plants, since I propagated too many of them.

Lastly, I was really affected by Anthony Bourdain's suicide. I loved his shows, and his overall attitude and approach to life. He, too, spent some of his formative years in Massachusetts, and I'll spare the details so you read Kitchen Confidential. Part of this was because it came after the death of one of my friends and mentors from the free clinic I was part of in college. The O was the coolest almost-octogenarian I've met. He helped me find my feet when I was struggling with new leadership and more responsibilities in the running of the clinic. He gave me lots of solicited and unsolicited advice. I owe a lot to him, more than he knew. Wouldn't be in med school if it weren't for him, wouldn't have even wanted to become a doctor if it weren't for him. He said he'd thought he'd die in his 20s, then in his 40s, then went quietly a few days after a stroke pushing 80, surrounded by friends. I wish I could have seen him again.

Early spring update: loose leaf tea, greenery, and what's next

It's been a long time since I last posted. I'm finishing my second year of medical school soon with our last exam, then taking the next 1.5 months for my dedicated study period for Step 1. And then it's off to a great hiking vacation with my dad for a few days: Grand Canyon, South Rim to Colorado River and back up again. Down 4860 ft the first day, camping at Bright Angel Campground. Then up 4460 ft the next day.

I went home for a week earlier this month and saw old friends, and replenished my stash of loose leaf tea, which I get from Berkeley Bowl. I went back to Berkeley with my parents and sibling and had a good time showing them around, revisiting my old favorite places. I miss many things -- maybe most things -- about Berkeley. Seeing old friends from college reminded me of that, and though I'm very happy pursuing my dream career on the other side of the country, spending time with familiar faces does remind me of what I lost by living so far away. And I did lose a lot. More than a perfect day hike, long car rides, and nostalgia could give back.

We were planning on hiking a notable summit in the Bay Area, but rain got in the way and we went up and down some killer muddy hills in a local park. Still worth the effort, mostly because of present company.

I don't want to dwell on the past, but it's hard not to. And it's also hard not to be nervous about my future, uncertain as it is now. I still want to do orthopedic surgery, but to do that, I need to absolutely kill Step 1. And to do that, I need to stay disciplined and healthy and smart and study better than I ever have. And to do that, I need to focus.

So, after the Grand Canyon trip, I'll come back to Boston and start third year. Clerkships -- it's been a long time coming. What I'm saying is I'll be off the blog until mid-May, and probably sit on editing what I expect to be mediocre pictures of the most beautiful landscape on Earth. Before that, I'll probably have something to say about building my professional wardrobe, and my spring/summer shopping list for clothes. I haven't made a lot of effort in these things, but I'll need to, given how imminent rotations are.

And that's all for now. I hope you're having a good week so far, and that the snow melts sooner rather than later. I thought I put my parka away for good last week, but I was wrong.

More thoughts on diary writing

Here is my second post about diary writing. The first one can be found here and concerns the practicality of the habit -- how I do it, with what, and how often.

--

I knew that this second post was going to be a bit more abstract than the first so I'm not too sure about the format. Thus, a looser structure is indicated.

Reasons why I write in a diary

I touched briefly on why I began writing, but not why I continued to write, and why I will continue to write every day, once a day, ad infinitum. To be honest, I don't have a concrete answer. It's become habit at this point where I feel discomfort in forgetting to write or not writing adequately. Writing at the end of the night unburdens me from the thoughts I've had that day. It's a conveniently private outlet for the daily stresses and emotions, which I feel could otherwise build up to unhealthy levels. At a more basic level, I write every day because memory is unreliable and writing things down helps me keep them.

I also like my penmanship, and use my diaries as a way to indulge myself there. I also recently bought a fountain pen and ink.

It's not journaling

And I get a bit defensive about that, in real life when people find out about this practice and internally when I see blog posts, YouTube videos, think-pieces, Pinterest posts, etc about journaling. It's a bit of an irrational aversion to the term, but I know that others may see these posts here and code my diary writing as journaling.

To me, journaling suggests deeper emotional content and creativity. A lot of journaling fads I've seen on the internet seem juvenile and hokey, but that's just me being judgmental about things that don't concern me.

If anything, I downplay my emotions in my diary and contrive to keep my entries restrained and cold. I can easily dissect my thoughts and emotions on paper, but seldom let emotions themselves guide my writing. Long story short, I still think I have issues expressing myself and being vulnerable in my diary, but that I really could benefit from taking the 'journaling' road of emotional catharsis. But then again, I do get some kind of catharsis after writing.

It's not meditation, either

Until I think about it.

I'm not really a follower of mindfulness or meditation or any number of techniques and products and self-help media that will help me achieve them. However, once I peel back the pretty social media influencer veneer, I see its value. I really think that setting time aside in the day to be alone with your own thoughts is important. Quiet time for reflection and self-awareness, protected time where self-centeredness and selfishness are mandatory.

For some people, meditation is the way to do this. For me, I need to write it down.

How has it helped me?

I don't know exactly. I have been writing in my diary since I was a teenager and don't know any other way of life. Writing about anger and interpersonal issues helps me prevent arguments and confrontations -- by the way, my cardinal sin of choice is, and has always been wrath. I think I'm a more even-keeled and disciplined person for it, but I have no way of telling that.

However, one thing I do know for certain is that daily diary entries help me identify my personality traits and flaws. I know myself fairly well. It's all written there.

I'm not enlightened

That goes without saying. However, I think that people may erroneously think that writing about yourself will make you a better person. I believe that I would not know myself as well or be as comfortable with self-criticism (or take self-criticism too harshly) if I didn't write in my diary, but I don't know if that has had led to distinct changes in my behavior or personality.

The Lord of Three Realms

The blog and the diary fill different niches and serve different purposes. The blog is a more longitudinal view of myself and my interests and was created explicitly to help me become a better, more advanced version of myself. The Lord of Three Realms as an imaginary entity lives at the end of the staircase of self-improvement. LL versions I through XIV may be distinct and show growth, but the daily variations in the writer are too small to appreciate or care about.

The next post

Let's talk about you instead

Assorted thoughts on diary writing

Volumes I to XIII, autumn 2007 to present

I write a daily diary. This is the first in a three-part series about diary writing.

After reading the Diary of Anne Frank at an early age, I thought it would be important to chronicle my life. In fifth grade, our teacher required each of us to keep a writer's notebook, and I distinctly remember one little proto-diary with a blue and brown cover. In it lives my larval political outrage at Bush v. Kerry 2004, a detailed account of a roadtrip to Yellowstone National Park and the wildlife I saw, and my goals for my Pokemon Sapphire progress.

Sometime around that, I received the volume with the blue cats on the cover for a birthday and abandoned my old notebook for it. I abandoned that one, too, when daily writing became a bore. I rediscovered the cat diary sometime in college, where it fell in line as Vol. VIII of my archived life. The first fifteen pages contain the imaginations and ramblings of a ten year-old who hated school, and the rest contains the long-winded agonies of a nineteen year-old studying for the MCAT. The last page contains my score.

I began writing in earnest in August 2007, and then daily in August 2008 at the start of high school. Every day has an entry, whether it was written before midnight, after midnight, the morning after, or in pieces over the subsequent week.

Materials and Methods

I am very fond of beautiful notebooks. Many of the more recent volumes have come from Paperblanks, which have beautiful covers, luxurious paper, and a shocking sticker price. However, it is important to me that these volumes last long, lay flat, and are a delight to write in. Hence, I can justify throwing money at expensive stationery, and am seriously considering buying a fountain pen for the next volume. I currently use any number of pens around my desk to write, but reserve my favorite pens for diary writing.

I write mostly about what happened to me on any given day, anything at all. I don't follow prompts and I don't describe this process as 'journalling,' which is becoming more popular nowadays. I have poured out my heart before, but have also written in exhaustive detail everything I could remember from surgeries that I have shadowed, complete with sketches. During gross anatomy, my entries read more like a dissection manual than anything else; when I was in Germany, it was an itinerary with as much sensory details I could fit in. Memorable patients, memorable places, etc. It varies. I could be more reflective, emotional, and introspective, but those entries are not common.

Rules and Rituals

Over the years, some rules and rituals have emerged. Exceptions are noted if ever applicable.

• write in pen only
• begin each entry with the date
• end each entry with a signature
• write at night immediately before going to bed, but fill in details the morning after in case I missed something (rarely) -- only under very specific circumstances will I revisit an entry after a day
• if I am currently writing Vol. n, I am not allowed to read from Vol. n - 1 until I finish Vol. n
• at the end of Vol. n, I write a postcard to myself to read when I begin writing Vol. n + 7. This began with the end of Vol. VIII
• include ephemera (ticket stubs, stickers, etc) if they are important or beautiful
• write legibly, but try not to waste space
• note the Vol. number on the front page
• copy a meaningful poem or quote on the back page
• be HIPAA compliant
• one entry each day, every day, ad infinitum

Next time: what I have learned from writing a diary, why you may want to consider it yourself, and how it has affected me

Outfit sampler for the early spring

I always feel strange taking pictures of myself, and feel even stranger putting them on here. However, this here blog is a bit of an archive of my thoughts about personal aesthetic and taste (of which I have little, I think). I think I am easily influenced by trends in aesthetic and style, and though I think I'm a fairly moderate consumer, fitting into (or not) a category that I admire does make me feel a certain way about myself. Why isn't personal style as simple as wearing what we please? Maybe for a more steadfast, self-aware individual, it is. I'm not quite there yet.

T-shirt: Forever 21 | Belt: Uniqlo | Watch: Casio | Trousers: H&M | Shoes: Sperry

And now here is the debut of the shoes I listed in my S/S 2016 wardrobe planning post. I bought them, enjoy them, but am not 100% satisfied with the color. I wish I'd chosen the darker brown, or the Sahara/honey colorway. Anyhow, I'm still getting the hang of wearing the boat shoes with/without socks. I wish I'd gotten them years ago.

I used to love/hate/never wear these trousers back when my everyday shoe was the Dr. Martens Chelsea boots. At that point, it was just a bit too utilitarian for my liking, and I still think that they look a bit like part of a uniform. However, they're the ideal weight/texture for a cool, early spring day, and I've worn them most days that average 65-70 F.

Top: Forever 21 | Watch: Casio | Shorts: Old Navy | Shoes: Sperry

Here is the debut of the black linen shorts I purchased from my S/S 2016 wardrobe planning. I went shopping with my sibling during spring break and thought I'd gotten a pretty good deal on these (40% or something), but the khakis my sib got came out to be <$1. A few days later, I bit the bullet on the full price Sperry's so I guess I lost the frugality rivalry pretty soundly.

I feel like a recurring theme of my wardrobe is blatant violation of some archaic rule where navy + black + brown should never be worn together. I also feel like I vaguely try to emulate a breezy nautical/Yankee prep aesthetic. That, or I'm still trying to dress like the French (or French-adoring) girls. Je ne sais quois, ok?

Big C hike and brunch at Wat Mongkolratanaram

I caught up with a friend today. JZ, a first year graduate student at UCSD, visited Berkeley this past weekend for a conference, and wanted to get food with me like old times. In anticipation for the meal at the local gem Wat Mongkolratanaram, we hiked up the hills behind campus to the Big C.

In spring semester freshman and fall semester sophomore year, we had classes that preceded a meal together (breakfast and lunch, respectively) and got into the habit of shooting the breeze and whinging about school, the future, and impostor syndrome.

All of this, of course, said with the backdrop of the Berkeley hills, which look their best in a chilly morning mist or at dusk. Looking eastwards, you can nearly see to the UC Botanical Garden, a favorite place of mine. All of this land technically does belong to the university, but is Lawrence Berkeley National Lab property, I believe. Even so, I call it campus.

A clearing in the trees. There are two ways up the hill to the Big C and this one is the less 'strenuous' one. You can carry a conversation on this route, no problem.

The turkeys were out and about this morning and I caught them in a nice formation. Nowadays, I don't see a whole lot of turkeys on campus, but they often go downhill during the summer. Many of these guys have a tassel on their chests -- perhaps they are tagged for some kind of research?

Turkeys yet again. Hike the Big C and you're almost guaranteed to see them.

We made it to the Big C! A fairly good view of the UC Berkeley campus, with Sather Tower, the Campanile, close to the center. On a clear day, you can see the Dumbarton, the San Mateo, the Bay, and Golden Gate Bridges in one sweep. Not so today, but still some blue skies ahead.

The morning grey was dispersing by the time we headed downhill. The same flock of turkeys resumes its foraging. After making it downhill, JZ and I walked to the BART station and took the train one stop south to Ashby station. The temple is a quick (~5 minute) walk from the station in a residential neighborhood by a park and a library.

Yelp will describe Thai Temple (what I've mostly heard it called) better than I can. It is a Buddhist temple and a Thai cultural center that opens its backyard to hungry locals on Sundays for probably the best cookout I've had in a long time. Pay real American dollars for donation tokens (which can be traded back for $, and $1 = 1 token), which can be used to purchase food. My two-curry and rice plate cost 7 tokens, and it was substantial enough for two meals. I brought a plastic container anticipating leftovers.

The curries that I had: a chicken yellow curry and beef red curry, the latter of which I will probably dream about until I return to Thai Temple. JZ and I ate voraciously and stared at the food that everyone else (communal seating, of course) and I've decided that I will need to try whatever the beef noodle soup is when I return. Other dishes: mango rice, rolls, papaya salad, pad thai, etc. I think the best way to go about eating here is to go with a few friends, each buy a different meal, and share.

Even so, I'm still going to eat the basic UCB student pad thai from Thai Basil. Nothing's changing. Afterwards, we walked through a flea market and decided that the whole experience was very uniquely Berkeley, CA.

Summer refresher

I'm just beginning properly writing my secondaries for MD applications now, and nervously awaiting the downpour of emails that will surely (hopefully) come after the holiday weekend. However, I won't be writing about that here.

In the past few weeks, I've begun noticing some less-desirable attributes about myself and my surroundings. Particularly, I am annoyed/disgusted by the state of my apartment, and how generally, I tend to clutter up my work and living areas. Not to say I'm a hoarder, but I surely don't need to hold onto all my past midterms. Same thing goes for the various small things hanging around my desk. I'm at home right now, but when I return to my apartment tomorrow, I'll have to do a very thorough cleaning.

More seriously, I am inattentive to the cleanliness of our apartment. One roommate is fastidious and tends to keep to her own room, but another roommate and I have neglected to keep up the tidiness of our space. We left the apartment in a pretty bad state when the semester ended, and I still haven't gone through and cleaned out the fridge, which surely has some kinds of rotten vegetables and mold in it. I'm being honest here.

Dirty dishes, dirty floors as well. I try to clean around the apartment more often this summer, since clutter and dirt stress me out, but I need to make it more of a habit. In general, I have a lot of things hanging around the apartment that I should just toss or sell, and once August rolls around, I'll make a serious effort to sell off my old textbooks. Of course, that's not the most egregious contributor to the mess, but that's an actionable goal.

Next, I'm unsatisfied with my diet, exercise habits (or lack thereof), and schedule. Towards the end of the semester, I was less diligent with cooking, and ended up throwing together some meager and unhealthy meals. Lately, my boyfriend and I have been making a greater effort to cook more and actually enjoy food. I may have mentioned this before, but last semester, I both looked forward to and dreaded mealtimes: I would not be hungry, but then again, nothing I made tasted good. He's recently demonstrated his superior cooking skills, so here's hoping I learn something from him.

In the same vein, I want to start going to the gym. Last semester, I was flattened by boxing tryouts, and swore that I would work out to get in better shape. I was hoping to be actually put into an intercollegiate fight this year, but in general, I should increase my level of fitness. My goal is to run < 7:30 mile, increase my flexibility, and try lifting. More broadly, I'd like to get in the habit of exercising regularly. I do have a phobia of looking stupid in front of people at the gym, but if it's my boyfriend telling me I'm doing something wrong/have bad form/some other gym critique, I'll be more confident trying.

And finally, I need to go all-in for secondaries. I want to allocate more of my free time to fiction writing and seriously cut down on dead internet time. Wake up earlier, exercise regularly, eat healthier, drink more water, go on more hikes, write more articulate and intelligent secondaries, hang out more with old friends, etc, etc.

That's all for now.

*** Not really. I changed a tag from MD cycle 2015 to MD cycle 2016. This is because I plan on matriculating in 2016.

Ready for review

Post-AMCAS celebratory lunch + recreational reading

Just a smattering of thoughts without a prevailing theme.

I submitted AMCAS yesterday morning with little trouble. My transcripts were received surprisingly quickly, especially since there was a delay with my community college one, and I my application was 'ready for review' when I woke up from my nap. Naptime, of course, is just one of the many leisurely activities I did yesterday. Alarmingly enough, I started and finished a recreational, non-meducational book (The Triple Package, by tiger mom Amy Chua and her husband Jed Rubenfeld) and also spent an absurd time on Reddit. I added one other American history/politics/economics/society book (A Call to Action, by Jimmy Carter, a president I very vaguely know as being the fella whose presidency correlated with the Iran hostage crisis) to my summer reading list. I'm about 80% through The House of God, and surprisingly haven't touched The Once and Future King.

To return to my favorite topic (the MD application cycle, of course), I'm still in the process of finalizing The List, which is not anywhere near finalized. Even so, I'm sort of letting myself kick back and relax this weekend -- and just this weekend -- before I go all in with pre-writing secondaries and burning my eyes out staring at MSAR. Oh, and I have jury duty on Tuesday.

In my leisure, I've been picking back up with my interest in frivolous things like clothes and makeup because I am a vain creature. My latest fixation has been the pursuit of a suit for med school interviews, which I will hopefully get. My suit shopping, however, is hindered by the fact that Reddit has convinced me (r/mfa, those well-dressed bastards) that my suit should be wool, should be lined. Easy enough for MFA! Women's suits, I've learned, are usually synthetic and usually feature flared trousers, which do not look good on me.

In other news, I'm restarting my independent research project. Last summer, I made some good progress on it, but we were hindered by the data collection method. This summer, the machine shop has new toys, and hopefully by the end of summer, I'll be trained to play with them on my own. I'll have to spend some serious time thinking about how to go about with this inquiry, since I don't know how and where this whole thing will be impactful. I need to be more prudent about planning out this project, planning out how much and what kind of code I'll need to write in MATLAB, planning out what models I need to make on SolidWorks, planning out what to do with the vast cloud of data that I get -- quite literally, since it's a point cloud of coordinates. Really, that's the crux of it. At this point, I'm just collecting coordinates without a good plan.

One final thing: I'm getting back into writing, amazingly enough. I'm hoping to regularly post on r/nosleep, and to get a long-term high fantasy project resurrected. This is all, of course, me dreaming about not writing secondaries.

Nothing else to report.

MD application summer begins

I haven't touched this place in quite some time. The title of the post will tell you why.

I'll just jot down a few of my thoughts about the process here. I don't think I can really force this into a real post, so here it all is:

1. Primaries are not as awful as MCAT studying. I have a feeling that secondaries, in terms of clock time and personal effort, will be worse. The June 4 'deadline' I have is very close, but after I really consider what's on my plate, I don't feel rushed for time.
2. The first thing on my plate is the personal statement. Mine isn't there yet. I emerged last weekend from a truly horrible first draft -- fifth draft, but it was my first version of my PS -- and things have been better. Now, my current version seems more like a 'What is medicine?' rather than a 'Why medicine?' composition, so I'll have to work on that.
3. AMCAS is a real chore. Work/Activities section requires the most thought, since it's essentially an expanded CV. Again, not too bad, but I need to portray my experiences strategically.
4. The List. Oh, God, the List. It's in shambles. I cut it from 35 to 25, only to panic and think it's too top heavy. I got rid of some schools I would likely never attend, then added some more. I still need to cut, but my friends -- and I have very accomplished friends -- are encouraging me to keep schools such as HMS, Hopkins, and Penn. Harvard, Johns Hopkins, UPenn -- those are intimidating names.
5. I have a lot of ups and downs. Ups: my GPA increased by 0.06, which I think is quite a bit; my MCAT is still very high. Downs: my writing looks mediocre, my GPA is still low, I don't have that many extracurricular activities, I haven't shadowed enough, etc, etc
6. I've gotten a stronger desire to read and write. I finished The Spirit Catches You and You Fall Down shortly after my trip to the library, and I'm about 75% through The House of God, which is making me daydream about going to HMS. Also, The House of God has a particular voice that has begun seeping into my diary entries. FUN FUN FUN. I also noticed that that voice is similar to the one I use when complaining to my sister and boyfriend.

Nothing more to say. I also bought two of the items from my wardrobe planning post a few weeks back. If only it were warm enough outside to bare skin.

Let the sunshine in

For someone who does keep a daily diary, I would think that keeping a regular blog would be a piece of cake. Evidently not.

Here's a collection of ramble-thoughts accumulated over the past month, with my reviews/impressions of two productions I saw recently.

It's times like this where I wish I kept some sort of longer-scale record (ex. a blog) during freshman year, since my worries now are just a continuation of those from 2013. On my plate: academic achievement, letters of recommendation, med school personal statement, med school this and med school that. 2013: will I be able to volunteer at the Free Clinic, will I be able to find a research lab? 2015: am I an adequate de-facto leader at the Free Clinic, will I be able to conduct my own research project effectively?

My worries stem from the fact that I am applying to med school this summer, my ultimate dream for most of my life, my one and only North Star. This situation has been made more dreadful (not dreadful as in plummy, archaic dreadful, but dreadful as in it fills me with some kind of dread and anxiety and eagerness) because my boyfriend has almost exact opposite problems (they stem from indecision and uncertainty in his career goals).

Anyhow, these things, as well as my recent feelings of scholastic mediocrity have put me in a sort of dreary, gloomy mood. To combat this melancholy, I talk to my roommate, my friends, my boyfriend, go visiting. And for something completely new: I went to two shows (a concert and a musical) and they were spectacular.

Bach Mass in B Minor

One of the last of Bach's compositions, the Mass in B Minor (BWV 232) is a complete setting of a complete Latin Ordinary Mass, consisting of the usual movements:

1. Missa (Kyrie and Gloria)
2. Symbolum Nicenum (Credo)
3. Sanctus
4. Osanna, Benedictus, Agnus Dei, and Dona Nobis Pacem

At the risk of sounding too weird about synesthesia, B minor is a grim, stately, blue key, and through it, the Mass achieved a level of cosmic grandeur that I can't attempt to express here. I attended the University Chamber Chorus and UC Berkeley Baroque Orchestra's performance of this masterpiece, and I don't think my evening could have been better. As a note, with each movement, the Latin lyrics and translations were projected above the stage, which deepened my understanding for this musical wonder.

The Ordinary Latin Mass spans a wide spectrum of the relationship between Man and God, and it spoke pretty strongly to this agnostic. Solemn supplication and mourning for the sins and suffering of Man and Christ (B minor) yield to the hope for deliverance and miracle by the grace of God (D major).

A few of my favorite movements: Kyrie eleison, Christe eleison, Cum Sancto Spiritu, Crucifixus, Et resurrexit, Et expecto, Sanctus, Agnus Dei, Dona nobis pacem

Hair

Not as much to say on this one. AB (roommate, CivE) and CB (EECS) and I went to Barestage's production of this musical that CB's roommate was in. A summary: Vietnam War draftee meets a tribe of long-haired hippies and they sing about society and their time, youth and their struggle to find their place and purpose. Given Berkeley's history of protest and involvement in activism during the Free Speech Movement, Civil Rights Movement, and anti-Vietnam movement, I was already engaged with the material.

Interesting thing about Hair is that it was written and debuted on Broadway in 1969, and I was astounded to see how meta their entire analysis of that time was. Anyhow, the female vocals completely hit me, and gave me some genuine chills. The playbill included a lengthy introduction about the modern interpretation of some of the problematic content, including racism and cultural appropriation in the script and staging.

A few of my favorite songs:  Aquarius, I'm Black/Ain't Got No, L.B.J., Hare Krishna, Let the Sunshine In

Afterwards, we got doughnuts, explored an underground parking lot, and watched CB fly a fighter jet around Vinewood, shooting missiles at the city (Grand Theft Auto V, a favorite pastime of the EECS house). A good night.

And now, the two of them together: the Mass began with the choir lined behind the audience in a pitch-black concert hall. One light was shone onto the conductor, and at her first baton drop, the hall rang with the first note of the Kyrie eleison, and it was as if a choir of righteous, solemn angels had descended onto our mortal congregation. And truly, it was a surprise, and nearly got me God-fearing. On the other side, Hair ends in a surprisingly somber way, and the final song, 'Let the Sunshine In,' read as a desperate plea for peace, love, and understanding -- and mercy. It was a demonstration of tragic solidarity (no spoilers here) and the cast took from the stage running helter-skelter to reassemble behind the audience, ending the song without musical accompaniment.

So, perfect bookends. The symbolism was not long-coming; not to mention, Hair ended, too with dim lighting.

Kyrie eleison -- Lord, have mercy. I still think about these two shows. What an experience.