Tuesday, December 22, 2015

Wish I could find a book to live in

That's some wishful thinking, but for the past few weeks, I've been trying to do just that. Amidst my disappointing MD application cycle and obstacles in my personal and academic life, I've felt helpless and lost. I've more or less accepted that I'll be reapplying to med school either next year or the year after, which is a huge blow to my self-esteem and my general perspective. I won't belabor the point, but it's easy for me to say with great confidence that I've been on a steady decline in emotional health since July of this year.

No wonder, then, that I blew through the entire Inheritance Cycle during Thanksgiving break (I should have prepared more for the interview that occurred right after, but at the time, I thought I'd done enough), then began reading the Temeraire series by Naomi Novik during finals week. I have always favored fantasy novels, but only recently have I really acknowledged them as escapism. Dense worldbuilding, and plot-driven (not to say that the characters aren't wonderfully engaging and developed) fantasy novels are the dazzling distractions against my melancholy, and bleak future.

I've been talking my sister's ear off about this series since winter break started, and though I'm only partway through the fifth book Victory of Eagles, I have half a mind to just start over from the beginning of the series for a second round. Though some plot points can seem contrived or silly, the general effect is a good one. How can I put it? Temeraire was made to be adapted into screen. Some of the supporting cast is bland and flat, but the dialogue is always engaging and drives the plot along.

Anyhow, the tl;dr version is that dragon-based fantasy novels are distracting me from the responsibilities and misery of my depressing future as a med school reapplicant.


Another thing, then. The title of this post draws from "Look what they've done to my song, Ma" by Melanie Safka, covered by Miley Cyrus and Melanie, which has become surprisingly (and painfully) relevant throughout this semester.

Indeed, I've felt as if my brain has been picked apart, then put back in all the wrong way just in time for me to bumble through my interviews. More importantly, I've become increasingly reliant upon/emotionally supported by my family, especially my Mom throughout this year.